23+ hour, 28+ min ago  (245+ words) PROVO, UT " Local wife Allie Goodman told her husband that she identified with all five of the common "love languages," and she was not sure which one she wanted today, but he was just going to have to guess. "I…...

1+ day, 57+ min ago  (249+ words) BETHESDA, MD " Results from President Donald Trump's 6-month physical at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center appeared to show that his midi-chlorian count is "off the charts." During routine testing, doctors examining a blood sample of the president discovered a…...

1+ day, 1+ hour ago  (150+ words) MESOPOTAMIA " Local righteous man Noah was the recipient of a hefty fine from his HOA today over parking a large boat in the middle of his driveway. Despite multiple warnings from Kitra, the HOA President, Noah insisted that "he's not…...

1+ day, 1+ hour ago  (307+ words) VATICAN CITY " A new papal encyclical warning about the dangers of AI reportedly provoked an answer from AI language model Grok, which published 95 theses responding to the Catholic Church. According to sources, Pope Leo XIV's first encyclical, "Magnifica Humanitas", discusses…...

1+ day, 3+ hour ago  (37+ words) TUCSON, AZ " Parents of high school graduate David Simpson helped their son sound out the words on his diploma after the teen expressed frustration at not being able to read the words on the piece of paper....

1+ day, 4+ hour ago  (25+ words) CHICAGO, IL " The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday weekend....

2+ day, 32+ min ago  (36+ words) WASHINGTON, D. C. " Senator Chuck Schumer reportedly spent Memorial Day alone with his thoughts after having killed all of his backyard barbecue guests the previous year by serving them raw hamburger beef infected with E. coli....

2+ day, 1+ hour ago  (34+ words) BETHLEHEM " As Ruth was about to come pick up extra crops left for her in the fields, workers reportedly spotted Boaz carefully arranging stalks of grain on the ground to spell out "Hey Gurl."...

2+ day, 22+ hour ago  (168+ words) FRISCO, TX - Chaos descended on Christ Methodist of Frisco as the all-white choir attempted to sing an African spiritual. The choir tried to start clapping near the outset, but was immediately defeated by the syncopated rhythm and the scene quickly…...

3+ day, 2+ hour ago  (243+ words) News broke this morning that the United States and Iran have agreed to the framework of a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon Bee has managed to secure a leaked copy. Here, presented for the first…...