News
Woman Healed Of Liberalism After Touching Golden Trump Statue
15+ hour, 3+ min ago (30+ words) MIAMI, FL " A newly christened golden statue of President Donald Trump may have healing powers, as sources confirmed a woman who had touched it was miraculously healed of her liberalism....
What Luck! Dr. Fauci Announces He's Been Working On Hantavirus Vaccine This Whole Time
15+ hour, 18+ min ago (38+ words) ROCKVILLE, MD " Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient!...
Trump Unveils Plans To Turn Reflecting Pool Into Humongous Water Park
18+ hour, 43+ min ago (27+ words) WASHINGTON, D. C. " Liberals across the nation were horrified as Trump turned the Lincoln Memorial's Reflecting Pool into the largest water amusement park east of the Mississippi....
Goodyear Blimp Barely Recognizable After Going On Ozempic
19+ hour, 41+ min ago (18+ words) CARSON, CA " The famous Goodyear Blimp has become nearly unrecognizable after starting the popular weight-loss drug Ozempic....
Ew, A Gross Disgusting Bug " What, Why Did You Kill It, YOU MONSTER! " Op-Ed By Wife
18+ hour, 24+ min ago (63+ words) You won't believe what my husband just did. There was this horrible looking bug " I don't know what it was, but it had LEGS and a BODY and I swear it was going to maybe crawl on me. It was in…...
There, It Couldn't Be More Clear,' Announces John After Finishing Revelation
20+ hour, 33+ min ago (28+ words) PATMOS " The Apostle John emerged from his cave earlier this week feeling confident that he couldn't have been more clear in his description of the revelation he'd received....
Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue
21+ hour, 27+ min ago (47+ words) MAR-A-LAGO, FL " Three Republicans refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at Mar-A-Lago, sources confirmed today. Those at the unveiling had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U. S. A." played on the PA system....
BREAKING: Democrats Prepare Petard to Destroy Trump and Republicans; UPDATE: They Themselves Have Been Hoisted By Said Petard
22+ hour, 29+ min ago (50+ words) WASHINGTON, D. C. " In a most cunning stratagem, Democratic lawmakers didst this morn unveil a petard of monstrous proportions, which they had labored to construct these many months past, swearing upon their honor it would at last bring low the orange-haired knave…...
Nancy Pelosi Says Stop Asking If Aliens Are Real Or She Will Order The Mothership To Fire Its Superlaser At Earth
2+ day, 16+ hour ago (31+ words) WASHINGTON, D. C. " Representative Nancy Pelosi cautioned that if people persist in asking her whether aliens are real, she will order the mothership to blow up the earth with its superlaser....
Oil Tanker Slips Anonymously Through Strait Of Hormuz By Adding Fake Nose And Mustache
2+ day, 17+ hour ago (24+ words) MIDDLE EAST " An oil tanker has managed to slip through the Strait of Hormuz completely undetected after donning a giant fake nose and mustache....